Making Connection Easy: Daily Things to Improve Your Relationship

Closeness is often built when you do daily things to improve your relationship. It’s not necessarily built on dramatic romantic experiences. Little things are easier to keep going and add up overtime. When relationship therapists look at what’s most significant in a satisfying long-term relationship, this is a main theme. 

What Exactly is a “Bid” 

A “bid for connection” comes from the research of relationship researcher and author John Gottman. It is the act of reaching out to someone for attention, affection, or emotional support.  

Bids can be as simple as pointing out a beautiful flower. A bid for connection doesn’t require large amounts of time or energy. It can be simple, like asking about someone’s day or sharing a funny social media meme. 

They may not seem all that important, but bids are a subtle way to ask deeper questions: “Do you see me?” “Will you respond to me?” Are we connected?”. This is why it is always important to take bids seriously. In fact, they are the easiest daily things you can do to improve your relationship! 

Responding to Bids 

What matters even more than making bids is how people respond to them. Do you put down your phone, make eye contact, and offer a reply?  

Couples who consistently “turn toward” each other’s bids tend to build stronger emotional intimacy. Turning toward each other means responding with warmth, attention, curiosity and engagement. It doesn’t need to be perfect either.  Even a brief acknowledgement can help someone feel valued and connected. 

Turning Away From Bids and Connection 

“Turning away” from bids can look like the opposite. It’s when you don’t make eye contact, change the subject, or ignore a comment entirely. Everyone one has done it and turning away doesn’t make a person inherently bad. Still, it’s important to be mindful of how often you choose to turn away versus turn towards your partner.  

Over time, missed bids can leave a partner feeling lonely. Turning away naturally forms distance, no matter what your attachment style is. It’s the quality of time spent together, not just the quantity that matters. 

Examples of Daily Things to Improve Your Relationship 

A healthy relationship is when both partners use and respond positively to each other’s bids. If you are unsure if this describes you, don’t worry! Bids are easier than they sound. They can look like:  

• Asking a partner “what happened?” when they mention a stressful day 

• Texting your partner mid-day to say you miss them 

• Swapping funny memes with your partner  

• Pointing out interesting things on a neighborhood walk  

• “Thank you!” or just being grateful  

Note that nothing on this list takes more than a few seconds. But, still, they all say the same thing, “I think about you”. It can make all the difference. Remember, daily things to improve your relationship can be joyful and simple.  

More Than Romantic 

We are all wired for connection.  Consistent responses to bids in all our relationships not just our romantic ones matter too.   Friends, family, and co-workers all benefit from consistent, small amounts of attention and interest. The sky is the limit! 

Time For a Personal Check-In 

Take a second to think about your current connections. Do you do daily things to improve your relationship with your partner and other loved ones? If your answer is no, what a great opportunity to bring in more warmth and love into your everyday routine! 

You can begin to make a difference in your relationships by noticing the bids that happen throughout the day. Are you offering consistent bids? How are you responding to the bids of others.  Being aware and intentional about bids is one simple but powerful way to nurture closeness and strengthen relationships. 

Closeness in healthy relationships is often built on repeated small interactions that communicate care, attention and love overtime. Making and responding favorably to small bids can make a big difference. 

Make Better Bids Today