The Dime Game: How to Make a Hard Decision
Have you ever agonized over whether you should say yes or no to an invitation, a favor or a request? It can be difficult to know how to make a hard decision. This is especially true when it comes to balancing your personal relationships and boundaries. Depending on your attachment style, you might be more likely to say “yes” or “no”. Both choices can cost you, so how can you choose what’s best?
The Cost of Your Yes
Too often people cave to a request for the wrong reasons such as people-pleasing, pressure or feeling guilty. A vital question to consider in making these decisions is whether saying “yes” will require so much time, energy or resources that it will interfere with us meeting our own needs and responsibilities. In these situations, you need to stick firmly to your guns and offer a simple but firm “No”.
People may not like our choices, but that doesn’t mean they’re wrong. This is where knowing your boundaries really comes into play. When you’re clear about your needs, it can really help you understand how to make a hard decision.
The Cost of Your No
Still, there may be an occasional situation in which we choose to make a sacrifice or stretch ourselves. Every health relationship requires give and take. Helping a friend move or driving someone to the airport isn’t fun, but it demonstrates care. As the saying goes, you can’t expect the village, if you aren’t a villager.
Playing the Dime Game
Every choice you make has an “opportunity cost”. It’s what you lose out on by not picking another option. Choose to go out with friends and the cost might be less sleep or even burnout. But, if you choose to stay home, the “cost” might be F.O.M.O. or the risk of less social invitations.
So how can you tell what’s worth it? The Dime Game is designed to guide you through these moments. It gives clear, numerical answers on how to make hard decisions.
How it Works
Below is a list of questions you respond to with a “yes” or “no”. Give yourself a dime for every question you answer with a “no”. How close you get to a dollar tells you whether to decline and how strongly you should do it. Tally up your total at the end and then check out the recommendations.
Your “Price” List
Can I give the person what they want?
Is my relationship more important than saying no?
Will saying no make me feel bad about myself?
Does saying no violate this person’s rights?
Is the other person responsible for telling me what to do?
Is what this person is asking me to do appropriate to my relationship with this person?
In the long term, will I regret saying no?
Do I owe this person a favor? (Do they do a lot for me?)
Is the other person clear about what they’re asking?
Should I wait before saying no?
Can You Afford This Choice?
Tally up your dimes and compare it to this emotional budget. It should help you figure out how to make hard decisions in a direct way.
0-10 Cents Do it without being asked.
20 Cents Don’t complain; do it cheerfully.
30 Cents Do it, even if you’re not cheerful about it.
40 Cents Do it but show you’d rather not.
50 Cents Say you’d rather not but do it gracefully.
60 cent Say no confidently but be open to reconsider.
70 Cents Say no confidently; resist saying yes.
80 Cents Say no firmly; resist saying yes; negotiate
90 Cents Say no very firmly; resist strongly.
1 Dollar Don’t do it.
How to Make a Hard Decision
While this tool can help you learn how to make hard decisions, remember that it is still only a tool. Ultimately, you get to choose what’s right for you. Making wise decisions about how we show up in life may not always feel comfortable. In the long run, however, it can lead to more self-respect and healthier relationships.
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